he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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