last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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