Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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