dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
