They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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