Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
