And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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