We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
