"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
