God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
