maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
