YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
