Porn is love you can see.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
