a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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