I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
