My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
