We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
