Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
