it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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