Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
