this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
