Umm I'm too high to move.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
