from now on my penis is your penis
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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