This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
