Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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