New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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