If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
