I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
