Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
