all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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