so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
