He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
