No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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