Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
