come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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