i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
