fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
