Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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