He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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