Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
