i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
