My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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