i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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