I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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