There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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