Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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