If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
