I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
