I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
