his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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