Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry about my life...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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