I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
